What does it mean to be a neighbor?

Being a neighbor means being available, offering patience and the benefit of the doubt, and practicing the ability to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. It doesn’t mean agreeing, it doesn’t mean you both keep your lawn to the same standard. It practices being a part of something bigger than this moment.

My family adopted three very troubled children. Their behavior was often frustrating. My neighbor who I walked with 5 mornings a week for years also adopted troubled children. One day she said to me, “I am sorry. I always thought you were a bad parent. 

Now I know how hard this is.” Having compassion and an open mind is a gift we give to each other. 

Sometimes we don’t understand. But we never know the whole story. If we can let go of judgement and look for the good, we will be a good neighbor. It isn’t about the other person being a good neighbor to us. It is about all of us doing our best. 

Who is my neighbor?

Let’s be honest, we are not going to like everyone. And it doesn’t matter. Everyone is our neighbor. The good, the bad and the ones who are quiet after 10 pm. If we treat everyone like they are our neighbor, we want the best for them. We want everyone to benefit equally from the things that are important to us. Safety, good schools, timely garbage pick up - if everyone has those things, life becomes much easier. 

It is a practice to see everyone as our neighbor. And it is part of a social contract that also hopes everyone sees us as a neighbor. Who do you have the hardest time finding the good in? They probably feel the same way about you. And we don’t have to let that stand in the way to offering a cup of sugar, or making sure a package gets delivered. We treat people the way we want to be treated. 

What about those neighbors we just don’t like?

There is one in every apartment building, one on every block. My grandson was telling me about a bully in his class. He said, someone taught him that. Grandma, someone must have been really mean to him. While that doesn’t excuse bad behavior, it does build compassion and empathy. We never know someone’s full story. Maybe you could ask, maybe you could listen. Maybe not. Regardless, remember that every behavior has a purpose, and not all of us were taught how to be a good neighbor. 

Why does this matter?

The fracturing of our society into good and bad, people I agree with and people I don’t agree with, people like me and people not like me, is moving us so far away from each other that it’s hard to imagine coming together again. If we look for differences, we will find them. But if we look for similarities, we will find that as well.

The time has come to repair the breach. The time has come to soften our hard hearts. It won’t be perfect. But if we can commit to treating our neighbors, all our neighbors, all people, with civility and respect, with basic decency, we will get back the society we all long for-peaceful, kind and productive. It takes everyone to declare that we value our neighbors for real change to occur.